Amu is a Girl's Name
by Amulet Misty
Summary: Tadase never thought he'd ever be okay with Ikuto and Amu dating. Until now. One-shot. Crack-fic.


**A/N: Tadaa! Before you read this I have to warn you. This is crazy, very cracked and probably makes no sense. Done for the pure fun of it.**

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Amu is a _Girl's_ Name

Tadase dropped everything he was holding, which included flowers and for some reason a teddy bear. He stared at the pinkette before him, in shock and disbelief.

"You're _what_?" He snapped around at Ikuto who was standing beside him in equal bafflement, eyes uncharacteristically wide. "I think I heard wrong."

"I'm..." Amu began, drawing Tadase's eyes back, "...a boy."

"A-Amu-chan. That's not very funny," said Tadase at wonder at Amu's sense of humour. "Nagihiko already pulled _that _one on us."

"It's not a joke," she (right?) said. Sighing, Amu looked down at the ground. "My father didn't want a boy, so my parents always dressed me as a girl. That's why he always calls me 'his little sparrow'."

This was a dream wasn't it? Any moment now he'd wake up in his bed...

"Come on Amu-chan, you can't be serious," Tadase reasoned, trying to keep his voice steady.

"I _am _serious," she (RIGHT?) snapped. Only...did her voice just crack? It sounded like the voice of a boy going through puberty.

Shoot.

"And you two...I've never told anyone this. But I trust you two and hope you'll still accept me," she (oh crap it's 'he' now isn't it?) continued quietly.

Tadase shunned her dad for naming her Amu. Amu was a girl's name! Right? Or not? He'd never heard of a girl called Amu before.

"Tadase." Ikuto had not spoken this whole time and his voice startled Tadase. "We need to talk - outside. Give us a moment Amu."

Tadase obediently followed his 'older-brother' outside.

"Now what?" He asked, staring at his elder.

Ikuto narrowed his eyes and shoved his hands in his pockets. "I was going to ask you."

...

...

Ikuto gave a huge sigh as if he was what he was about to say pained him. "I give up. You can have Amu."

"What? No way, she's _your _girlfriend. I mean boyfriend." Fact: when they got together Tadase had been extremely upset. New fact: He was not so upset anymore.

"It's no fun if she's a boy. I had this whole thing planned out for next Saturday night, I even booked a hotel-"

"What were you planning to _do_to her? She's still underage!" Tadase yelled in horror.

"_He's _still underage," Ikuto corrected. "And since when did I care about if she was underage?"

Right. This was Ikuto talking - the guy who should have been arrested for theft, trespassing and generally hitting on an elementary school girl. Alright, he couldn't be arrested for hitting on her but he slept in her bed!

...His bed.

"In any case I'm not interested anymore. I've come to the conclusion that I could probably pick up high school girls with the same shoujo-manga main-character vibe." Eh, thought Tadase, he had a point. "Bye Kiddy King." With cat-like reflexes Ikuto jumped away.

Just at that moment Amu ran outside, only to see Ikuto abandoning her. Tears started forming in her (it's _his_already, dammit!) eyes.

"Tadase-kun you won't leave me, will you?" His voice trembled and he looked at Tadase hopefully.

"Of course I won't!"- is what Tadase thought he should've said. Instead he was frozen. _What the hell should I do? I'm not gay. At least I don't think I am. I was attracted to Amu, but I thought he was a girl. Crap, am I still attracted to him?_

Amu had anime-like sparkles behind him.

_He _still_ looks like a girl! _Tadase began having a mental argument with himself.

_Okay, think this over Tadase. You're the noble character of the anime._ _It shouldn't matter…_

_But I like girls! The skirts! Amulet Heart's panty-shots!_

_…well that was inappropriate._

_Oh crap, I'm not a pervert like Ikuto, am I? No, it's the heart that counts._

Amu stepped closer.

_But if it's the heart that counts, does that mean I shouldn't care if Amu's a girl or not?  
_  
Amu was right in front of him, reaching for his face.

_No, I care. I freakin care._

"NO!" Tadase's screamed shattered many, many, _many _mirrors.

xxxxx

He fell out of his chair.

Wait - chair?

_Oh thank God_, he was dreaming. He must have fallen asleep after the last class. He grabbed his briefcase and started on his way back home.

As luck would have it, he passed by Ikuto and Amu, trying to kiss each other's faces off. They broke apart as Tadase passed, looking quite awkward.

He gave them only a glance. Fact: "I don't care anymore. You can have Amu." Another fact: Tadase was _not _taking any chances.

He walked by leaving them confused at his sudden change of mind.

Tadase paused at the crossing. There was a very pretty girl across the road, and he could tell she was definitely a girl. How? Well, she had a pair of something that Amu had been obviously lacking in the girls' department, even after two years of maturing.

…what? Tadase was thinking about high were _you_ thinking?

She looked across the road and caught his eye.

Yep, he was going to talk to her.

He put on a smile and summoned his bishie sparkles. "Kingly charm activate."

End.

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**A/N: Interestingly enough if you type in Amu and name it appears to be an Arabic name for boys. I'm pretty sure Peach Pit didn't know it was an actual name. **

**Yeah, I don't know this was, really. I was in the airport, bored, and I had my phone at the ready. So I wrote this. Decided to finally upload it to see if anyone shared my sense of humour. Although my friends **_**do**_**say I have a 50% chance of being funny, most times.**

**The girl across the street can be anyone you want - she gets married to Tadase and they have beautiful children together.**

**Yay.**

**Thanks for reading. Review if you're up for it.**


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